Psychologically Unprepared For Dieting   

By Cathy C. Hall

After years of being advised to lose weight, Mr. Hall finally decided to go on a diet.

Technically, Mr. Hall did not make that decision. In point of fact, he arrived home one evening to find a hamburger patty on a bed of lettuce with a side of burnt squash and a tall glass of water. He was not exactly thrilled. He said (in a very not-thrilled voice), "I'm not psychologically prepared to starve." I'm not sure how one goes about getting "psychologically prepared" to starve. You'd have to ask Mr. Hall.

Anyway, for solidarity's sake, I joined him on the journey, even though yours truly has always been rather svelte. Still, you can image my shock, when after two weeks of no bread, no sweets, and cooking like a dang fool, I'd lost about four pounds. Mr. Hall, on the other hand, had taken off a whopping fifteen. I consoled myself with the idea that since I was already svelte, I probably didn't have any weight to lose.

The months passed with Mr. Hall going down two pants sizes and me standing for hours in the kitchen over a hot stove (so much for the Cathy Hall Fifteen Minute Rule of Cooking, I can tell you that). Eventually the cooking exercise netted a loss of six more pounds for yours truly, and my pants were...what's the word? We'll go with "less snug."

Then after enduring two weeks of some evil bug, I dragged myself to the scales and Whee! I dropped a few more pounds and a whole size! Off on a shopping spree I went to buy itty-bitty shorts. And all was great till I glanced in the mirror and looked behind. Or what was left in that general area, which was a whole lot of nothing.

In the words of Mr. Hall, I was not "psychologically prepared" to find my derriere missing in action. So if Mr. Hall decided to continue his diet, he's on his own. I'm taking my saggy rear out for garlic rolls and ice cream.